Wingedfairy

Bring a spark of hope to a dying world, 

Seeking a new kind of life. 

Swallowing my pride and giving into you, 

I know something is wrong. 

Something is wrong, 

I know I’m the sacrifice again, 

I know I’m the one to be hurt. 

Trying to protect me from the inevitable, 

I jump from the cliff.

 I’ve already fallen, I’ve already started my decent, I’m lost and weak in this life,

and I’m starting to wonder again. 

You may want me, I may want you, But I’ve already started to fall. 

I’m not the same, I’m not weak anymore. 

My heart is gone, my heart is lost, It can’t be found. 

There is always a cruel wanting and it’s to never be filled or satisfied for every long.

Denying that I’m meant to stay lone and forever wallow in self denial. 

Knowing that feeling calm, relaxed, and neutral is no way to be when the one you want is always hoping for the good in the ones that are worst and will never change. 

From the start I should have seen it and never given it a chance. 

That was the mistake and taking myself out of the equation is the worst thing that I could possibly do at this point in time. 

Knowing that we are both scared and pretty much have nothing left, all the feelings that I’m feeling mean something to you and I won’t share them.

Not this time, wanting to find the strength to find what I use to believe in and find a way to stop the process.

Knowing that you have found what you have wanted to find in this world. 

I’m still wandering even though you think I’m not. 

I’m the one that is living the lie now and the change that has to open my eyes to the light again are closed and are falling back into the dark. 

How can I be released from everything and tied to nothing, if I don’t even know what was released in the first place. 

From the inside you are crying and screaming. 

On the other hand you are also happy in the second life that you have, 

Losing one life would cut you in half and down to a different size. 

The other expects you to fail, one is everything that you have ever wanted. 

You wish it could all be different, even if you were someone else. 

It’s the fact that it’s you and you are the one with  the choice of what to do. 

Lying to yourself and falling to your knees knowing that heart ache and pain is coming your way. 

Being the one at the center and the one on the side hurts all the same. 

knowing that someone is there for you, helps and then again it just makes everything worse. 

Letting the right one walk away isn’t how it works in another life it might be different.

The look in your eyes tells me something different. 

The taste of your kiss is something unreal. 

Feeling your pain is something I can’t bare to see. 

Knowing your crying and I’m not near hurts the worst.

Distracting you from the hurt and the pain is all that I want to do. 

Knowing that you want me the same way, feels so right. 

Feeling you and smelling you near when you aren’t there at all,

feels nice, feels right.

 Feeling like I can never really have you is another story. 

Feeling pulled into different directions by different people is how it works. 

How does this end and when will something be done to change it? 

A question answered with another question is how the game is played. 

From the start something was there, 

The change happened and there was nothing that we could about it. 

Smiling and talking knowing that everyone is looking at us,

But while away from the others, it’s all different.

Knowing that everything has changed and won’t fall back into place the way it did before. 

It’s time to go shopping, because I’m loosing it hard.

I notice you staring and I’m blowing your mind away. 

I’ve just begun to have fun and I’m stopping yet. 

The music changes and the change was quick and I know you understand how I feel. 

I can escape anything I want to.

At the moment you feel like paradise, 

Even if you won’t hold it against me, I’ll hold it against myself. 

There is an answer to this. 

I have a reason for changing and a reason for believing.

Finding a way to get lost within someone else,

Remembering that everything that comes back to you must have been broken at some time or another. 

Wanting to change my mind, I know it’s too let to take a different path. 

Rising to the challenge and knowing that it can all be seen, 

everyday I find myself looking at you.

Realizing that you won’t ever come to me, I won’t fall under the spell again. 

Pulling away from you like I did once before, I don’t know if I can trust you anymore. 

Changing who you are and becoming something different isn’t how you play the game. 

I once stood behind you, I once gave into you. Falling back away and stepping back, having feelings that I will keep hidden away and swallowing the pain away as tears run down my face 

My previous life has changed and I am once again stuck where I was at the beginning.

Keeping my eyes open and seeing a hidden door hoping that I can once again fall into it and be brought back to my body. 

Falling apart slowly in this life, swimming around hoping for a reason. 

I am who I am, don’t condemn me for what I am. I’ve stood in the in-between life, I’m stuck in this time. Going back is impossible, I can accept how I’ve become and who I have become. The question is are you going to try and change me? Why change something that has become almost perfect. Perfect is what you find yourself in wonder over, It’s the one thing that you strive for in life sometimes. It’s the one thing that you alone can control. It can control you, it can keep you from turning back. Perfection is never easy, nor can it be done. There is always something wrong with something, no matter how much you don’t want to admit it. Falling apart at the seams and shifting into something different to try and cope with the concept that sometimes some things are just blind. Denying yourself something that you consider perfect is never easy. Giving into what you see as perfect is always the best thing that can happen. 

I’m not perfect and I don’t calm to be, I can see somethings as perfect, but what I find perfect might not be perfect to a different person. Its never the same, it’s always different. You can change something that was never meant to be changed. 

Shinning like the sun and sparkling like a star in the night sky. 

Light shows you, your path. 

Heading in the right direction, I know there is something different. 

From the beginning there was going to be a change.

From the outside there was a light.

From the inside came the hidden light. 

Moving at the speed of normality, realizing what needs to be done. 

Feeling warm and cozy once again. 

Fighting back feelings that have long been hidden. 

You find your path and your guidance.

Waking in the night feeling cold.

Slipping back into your world, 

Hoping for n ending that will come soon. 

Wondering how your able to stay away. 

The pain of it getting to me, the pleasure your feeling. 

I’ve been here the whole time, 

Why be in denial of what and who you really are. 

Feeling the sun warm my face as you watch from a distance.

Feeling the moonlight on my skin bringing me to life once again.

I notice that you are staring and I know your standing in the shadows.

You don’t need to hide, it’s been said by all what we are. 

Sitting up high away from your reach, I know that you feel something and you aren’t letting it happen. 

Standing in front of you,

Waiting for an answer.

I know you won’t say a thing, 

It’s always the same thing with you. 

I’ve fallen away from you, I won’t stay for long.

You’ve had your chances, you let me fall away.

Our worlds won’t collide anymore, 

I won’t say yes again. 

I won’t be left behind again. 

It was simple from the start,

I walked on by you every day.

Now we’re staring at each other all the time. 

An I don’t know what to say….

You break my heart, you make my day.

I cry a day, you fix it up.

I’m loosing sight, you bring it back.

Rocking me on the floor, picking up the pieces that you break. 

Flying all over the place with your hands up in the air. 

I’m standing in place neutral and wondering why I’m stuck in the middle.

Why can’t I be there for everyone? 

Never wanting to choose, I shake my head and cross my arms waiting to break again. 

Breaking my heart over and over again, you make it better with a smile on your face. 

You’ve gone away,

No more time to waste.

Feeling lost and broken, I’m not the one missing. 

I carry on, never leaving this place you’ve left behind. 

Never starting shit, always the one left to deal.

Living the life of a refugee and I stand behind you all the way. 

I haven’t missed you yet, I know you hear my silent screams when you wake in the morning. 

I will never surrender to you,

I fell for you, 

what can’t I give you?

I know I make you feel everything at one time, every emotion and I wonder….

Feeling your pain every time you look at me from a distance. 

I know your sick of feeling pain when you look at me. 

I tried to be there and your happiness fell away.

I’m the chaos in your world, I fell away from the equation. 

Wishing I could be the person that you love the most,

But I will never be what you planned on having. 

For every time you look at me, I fall captivate in your spell.

Refusing to move away from this place, I fall into your trap. 

Dancing in your ring and floating on top of the water I refuse to fall into. 

Hanging on and not wanting to loose the hold you have over me. 

I can’t stop talking to you and you can’t ignore me. 

It’s how we are and we both know there is something between us. 

Never saying more than a hint and a tease.

I hold the door open for you and it begins to slip away from me the longer you wait to say anything. 

I use to believe that once day I’d find everything I ever wanted.

That thought has sailed and has changed from several years ago. 

Staring at the sky line and deciding to fade back into black,

The decision was tough and the effort it takes to go back to another time isn’t easy.

the choice is never the easy one.

We all have to make sacrifices at some time or another. 

Some of us make them after years of thinking about it and others don’t do it at all.

It’s when we realize that its for the best of the other people around us.

Sometimes just fading into the background is the place we are suppose to be…

It’s a matter of finding yourself anywhere you fit into this world.

Leaving all the people we have feelings for behind and never speaking the truth about how we feel about them.

Denying yourself the feelings of explaining your true feelings for them.

It comes with the job of being a friend and being hurt so much.

Sometimes it’s being alone that gets us to understand that we don’t need to be frozen any longer. 

Being frozen for years and never really seeing everything for what it really is….

 Was never the choice that should have been made…

Chilled by the thought of never really living and being haunted by the past,

It last for so long in the shadows and follows us through life never going away.

Sometimes we break down and just need some time off to realize what we want out of this life. 

Sometimes things are changed for a reason and happen for a reason. 

Nothing can be controlled by another person, its the climb that is worth fighting for…

Giving up and surrendering to the will of others is what happens to us, 

It’s just until we find our faith again.

The answers never come when we want them to, they come as they see we need them. 

Falling back into the shattered pieces of a life that once existed isn’t how it works, it’s just. 

A place we go to…

The puzzle shifting and changing. bleeding out the color it once had.

All the tears I shed won’t let me be free from grieving for you.

I saved you once and allowed you to bury me.

I won’t let you leave me this time,

Where will I go?

All I did was try to love you and you fooled me as I watched you let yourself fall.

There was a world that we use to hold together and now I can’t breathe.

you became consumed after so long, you’ve forgotten how to love.

When I begin giving up on you, you take a step towards me and surprise me.

Holding that string above me to keep me captive in your spell.

Even though it kills me to have to leave,

I won’t write to you.

You’ll forget me and I’ll fade away into your past.

I helped you be the person you were meant to be.

Someday you’ll miss me, find a reason to grieve me.

I’ve finished it out and cashed out your case, 

I won’t let you give it to me.

Leaving from here, I want something different from you.

You never showed what you wanted and I won’t last forever,

I can’t pretend any longer.

I gave it all up when you walked away without a word.

I fought for what I wanted, you wouldn’t do the same.

It’s the choice we hate the most that leads us to better things.

Maybe someday you will learn the true and understand too late that I was the one.

I’ve been reminded of who I really am,

I was never perfect.

Breaking away from the cycle and knowing that it was the answer to my question and the glass i’ve shatter within my heart bleeds out.

The thoughts of me, you have fade to black as you loose sight of who you are.

I hope one day you’ll find yourself.

Broken pieces I hold to me of the memories I chose to keep.

You left me to bleed, with the light in your soul fading.